The Traditional Banquet
Some 50 to 60 years ago, most marriages were performed during the wedding banquet itself, without an officiant. A respected elder or someone in a high government position would certify the wedding.
Today, an officiant presides, and the families still invite almost everyone they know. Traditionally, guests also would bring the couple large pieces of red silk fabric to decorate the banquet hall. Each piece often would have the “Double Happiness” symbol in gold lettering, while also displaying the name of the person who gave it. Today, other items, often incorporating the symbol, are given.
Food at the traditional banquet might include delicacies such as shark fin, abalone, lobster, and duck, or more traditional items like chicken, fish, duck, and shrimp.
“In the Chinese tradition, it is important to incorporate certain foods into the menu,” says Ferinoosh. “I always make sure the menu covers the eight major symbols: happiness, longevity, fertility, selflessness, abundance, peace, and sweet life together, as well as both the male and female roles symbolized by the dragon and the phoenix.
“To make sure we include all the symbols of the Chinese traditions, my suggestions always include red lobster, or dragon shrimp, which symbolizes the male role, while its red color symbolizes happiness. I also include chicken, or the phoenix, which symbolizes the female role. The tender meat of the chicken also symbolizes peace.”
Ferinoosh also recommends several specific hors d’oeuvres. “Caviar symbolizes fertility, vegetables symbolize mother earth and also selflessness, and fish symbolizes abundance. I also include a Peking duck station, since the cooler red in combination with duck represents joy and celebration.”
Serving different items together, as well as how they are served, has additional meaning. “For example, serving the duck and lobster in whole symbolizes completeness, while serving both lobster and chicken at the reception would symbolize balance in the couple’s new relationship.
“Tea, alcohol, and 7-Up are always served at the reception too,” says Ferinoosh. “The tea is a sign of respect and tradition, alcohol celebrates the happiness of the reception, and 7-Up symbolizes the joy of seven-happiness.”
The typical dessert is something sweet and soft. This tradition dates back to olden times, when milk and cheese were not readily available, so they did not bake cakes as they do today. Instead, they would eat sweet rice and dough filled with sesame paste and red beans. It’s “Sweet and Sticky,” to symbolize the sweetness of the love shared by the bride and groom, and that they also will always stick together. Other variations include sesame rice bowls and rice pudding with sweet nuts and beans.



The Fashionable Bride
The traditional Chinese wedding dress is the long, figure-fitting Qi Pao. It has a Mandarin collar, cap sleeves, and a slight fishtail bottom with two slits on either side. On the front are Chinese buttons, or “frogs,” which come in two kinds. Straight button frogs are more traditional and date back almost 500 years, while the flower frog is a bit newer, and has become popular as well.
The most traditional Qi Pao will include the design of the dragon and the phoenix on it. The dragon signifies masculinity, wealth, and strength for the groom. The phoenix is the sign for the woman, signifying the most accomplished traits, like a regal queen. Together, the signs mean that man and woman are joining in a marriage of good fortune. Since the dragon represents the male and the phoenix represents the female, it’s also like yin and yang.
In the Chinese tradition, jewelry and accessories also carry meaning, sentiment, and fortune. The bride’s parents or grandparents usually give her a gold necklace for good luck. The necklace is typically a pendant that symbolizes the animal for the year in which the bride was born. Jade and diamonds, often passed down from one generation to the next, are also considered traditional gifts that the mother or mother-in-law typically gives the bride.
The bride’s hair is usually tied up and secured with a bow or a decorative stick called a ‘Tsai.’ Chinese hair bows are particularly lavish, usually custom-made in gold and decorated with pearls and diamonds. The traditional bride also wears a small red flower, either real or silk, on the side of her head.
More Traditions
“We’ve also incorporated some of the Western traditions into our weddings,” says Donna. “So in addition to our Chinese tradition of bridesmaids, now we’ve added the best man and maid of honor.”
There are also traditions about behavior on the day of the wedding. “There should be no cursing, crying, or arguments,” says Jeff. “You shouldn’t do anything negative, so you don’t talk about sickness or even bad economic news. You have to be happy, to avoid bad luck.”
“In the old days, the groom’s family would look down at the bride if she came empty-handed,” says Donna. “Back then, gold was a tradable asset. Now the dragon and phoenix bracelet is a must for the mother to give to the daughter during the tea ceremony.”
In the Taiwanese and Cantonese traditions, the parents decorate the new couple’s room and get new pillowcases and bed sheets in the color red, with a dragon and a phoenix sewn into it. “They are important symbols, so we need them to come from the bride’s family.” The groom’s family decorates the new home of the bride and groom. “Also, in the Chinese tradition, the bride does not wear white,” says Donna. “She wears red, a symbol of good luck.”
Red is also a symbol of happiness,” says a smiling Jeff. “It is a happy color. Yes, the double happiness signs from our wedding are still up in our home. They are designed to last, and they will be with us forever.” (photos: True Love Wedding)