“The essence of the sacrament for the Catholic Church is the nature of the promises that the bride and groom make to each other, and the life they lead in accordance with those promises,” says Father Douglas Trees, of The Catholic Order of Chevalier de Notre Dame, a 1,000 year-old religious order.
“The point is from the Latin, ‘God is Love and Love is God.’ Basically, God lives within the promises the couple make to each other,” says Father Trees, “and in the execution of those promises.”
With tradition governing the Holy Sacrament of marriage, the Order permits adding your personalized vows to the accepted vows.
“We suggest you review resources through the Internet and local libraries. Most important, we want you to focus on the realities of your marriage commitment,” says Father Trees. “People come together for a variety of reasons. Writers and poets have been trying to define love through the centuries, but we all define it in our own ways.
“Some marriages last and endure, where you may even have a spouse become ill for an extended period of time, while in others, at the slightest provocation, the two people are out of there.
“So we focus on not just the here and now, but on what will be happening years from now.” Sometimes the simplest issues will prove to undermine the relationship. “Women are becoming much more independent, so many times we ask, ‘Who will handle the money?” Often both say, ‘I will.’
“Each has emotional baggage, their own belief systems about the way things should be. But often each has a separate game plan!”
So the Order tries to help create a more sophisticated attitude about marriage, and to encourage that in the vows you express to each other.
When you have decided what words will describe your emotional bonding, you’ll discuss them with the priest who will witness your exchange of vows, and he will assist you in placing your personalized vows within the ceremony.
“Our aim is to remove the impediments and make the Holy Sacrament available to our bridal couples.”
The order has married kings and queens, dukes and duchesses, “but regardless, we treat everyone with the same loving care,” says Father Trees.
“We try to be as understanding and compassionate as we can, to extend that sacrament to everyone who comes in.
“I think religion must play a more central role in marriage. For example, a religious wedding is done as a family unit. That strengthens your marriage bond, and is another one of the lasting values of embracing your religion.”
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